I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
