i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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