Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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