I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
