I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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