Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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