Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need to wash the frat house off of me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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