Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
