do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I want to fling myself into the sun
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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