The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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