Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
