I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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