He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
