I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
