i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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