ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
