The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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