Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
