I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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