I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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