ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
