i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
