I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize