my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
