So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
kristin has been a bad kristin
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
