Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
