Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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