He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
