I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize