yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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