I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
