96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
