God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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