Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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