she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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