Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
