whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
