If i could tip my vagina, i would.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
