That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
