I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
