Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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