dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
