he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Congratulations! We have a period
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
