The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
