Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.

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(509): View more from Washington

That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis

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(585): View more from New York

Congratulations on your moose knuckle.

(614): View more from Ohio

Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.

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These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Read it at the TFLN blog
(740): View more from Ohio

The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now

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(619): View more from California

Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.

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(917): View more from New York City

just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.

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