dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
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Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.