My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
