there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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