well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
