A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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