Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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