Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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