Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?