um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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