this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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