I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?