My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You can't just leave with hair like that
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
