Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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