hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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