I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
