Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
